We have all, to some extent, learnt how to decode the behaviors of the people around us and get a hang of their actual intentions. Life throws ample learning opportunities our way and gives us innumerable chances to observe, analyze, and decide what each person has to offer.
However, we fail to subject our own selves to this very test. Yes we can protect ourselves from the negativity around us. But what about the pessimism that stems from within?
How do you control and rectify the toxicity in your own self without letting it hinder your personal and professional growth?
Here are 7 red flags in yourself that you are overlooking in your personality which are standing right in the middle of the path to reaching your full potential.
1. You want to exercise complete control:
I’m going straight for the jugular here. We human beings are mortal and have limitations. There is no way that we can exercise complete control on the people or situations around us, even for the aspects that fall within our apparent circle of control.
– Your co-workers will not always function as per your liking.
– Your toddler will throw a fit regardless of your convenience.
– Your spouse will often display certain qualities that you despise.
– You may not be given a promotion at work despite all your hard work and qualifications.
If you expect to hold the reins to the actions and decisions of others, you will only end up extremely disappointed in the long run. The mental fatigue that comes with being a control freak is a huge damage to your potential, and is never worth the trouble.
The bottom-line is that wanting to be in total control of inevitable situations is a major red flag that you need to recognize and rectify as early as yesterday.
The solution:
Know what lies beyond your control, and accept it. Focus on your actions and the task at hand. The results will follow. Have goals that are more action-oriented than result-oriented.
If you struggle with wanting to be in control, start by letting go of small things until it becomes a natural part of your personality.
2. You don’t communicate:
You are non-confrontational. You have anger issues.
You take things personally. You are easily offended.
If your personality fits the bill for any of these descriptions, let me break it to you:. You don’t know how to communicate.
Communication is a basic requirement in any relationship, personal or professional. We cannot read each other’s minds nor can we decipher body language as well as animals do. We rely heavily on verbal communication to express our thoughts and intentions.
Lack of communication can be extremely damaging to the bonds that you share with the people around you. We begin having expectations of others and expect them to magically read our minds. Always verbalize anything that is on your mind regardless of how you perceive it to be.
The solution:
Start by vocalizing your feelings and thoughts wherever needed.
– You want an extra serving? You want a promotion at your job? Ask for it.
– You expect certain actions of your spouse? Vocalize.
– You are unhappy/disappointed/mesmerized/elated with anything? Express verbally.
– Your kid did something good? You like how your friend looks today? Give them a compliment.
The important bit is to keep emotions at bay when conversing. Excessive anger, frustration, disappointment, or any sort of negative emotion can do more damage than good. If you fear that communicating your concerns will lead to offence, argument, or any other negative emotion, it is worth to take that risk.
Because if you don’t communicate, you are bound for failure anyway. Take your time to process your emotions and let them pass. Keep a neutral stance with a normal tone, and then convey your concern with a clear head.
Get into this habit one day at a time, and very soon you will be a good communicator having healthy relationships with the people around you.
3. You are over-critical of yourself:
I’m guilty of doing this to myself, and I learnt the right way the hard way. It is good to be self-analytical, but never to the point of self-hatred. If you’re constantly putting yourself down with a harsh inner voice, and never allowing yourself room to err and learn, then you’re being a major threat to your own growth.
You may slack on slow days. Your mental health can take a hit causing you some productive days to recover. Go a bit easy on the self at times.
Have expectations of yourself but also know that you may not always be able to keep up. Remember how we can never control everything? Life happens every day and we cannot cease our experiences and keep functioning like machines.
The solution:
Define and accept your shortcomings. There is nothing wrong with having limitations. In fact, having limitations and boundaries makes us human. Realize that you cannot go from 0 to 100 in a day. Give yourself time to learn and grow. Have enough buffer to commit mistakes and learn from them.
Yes, it is important to be strict with discipline but be guilt-free when you let your hair down once in a while. Celebrate your wins and occasionally put your feet up and relax. Go for the sprint, but pit-stops are equally important for winning the long race that you’re in.
4. Your sense of self-worth is decided by others:
This is, by far, the most poisonous red flag that one can have in them. If self-worth in your eyes is dictated by the perception of others of you, you are destined for doom.
Nobody knows you inside out as well as you know yourself. If you’re constantly looking for validation and if you feed off of others’ good views about you, you will always be looking for gratification on the outside and never find it within.
The people around you can never do justice to your potential. They can never give you your deserved dues unless first you believe you deserve them. Thinking of yourself in high regards gives off similar vibes and compels others to also think well of you by following your lead. But if self-deprecating is your habit, then the people around you will follow suit.
The solution:
It is easy to preach self-love and acceptance, but equally challenging to put into practice. In this world of social media and virtual reality, one cannot help but fall prey to instant gratification. And when we don’t get this gratification of validation from outside, we fail to function at peace within.
A slow progress, sure. But it is only an uphill journey to recognizing and accepting oneself, and not to base our value depending on how people treat us or think of us.
5. You don’t take action:
This quality is not just self-sabotaging but will also completely damage your relationships with the people around you. If you are always in a sorry state sobbing over your life affairs but you never set any firm goals, much less take any action to overcome your situation, you are a big red flag.
Take it from a person who’s been there, it is not so simple. Life is complicated with many, many layers to the situations we are in. We function in multiple dimensions simultaneously. Therefore, chances are that you may be making it big in one aspect of life while failing miserably in the other.
However, if people always find you cribbing over your life like a crybaby, they wouldn’t want to be near you. I’m not denying that we need to let our tears roll down once in a while, but take action as well. If you’re stuck in a rut, move. Only when you take action and help yourself will the people around you be able to multiply your efforts by assisting you in ways possible for them.
The solution:
Success is 20% learning and 80% action. You learn more in work experience than by any other means. If you find yourself facing the same problem, may be you need to switch up your actions to give you different results, better results.
Summing it up:
Red flags are meant to convey probable roadblocks in the path to wellness and success. If you notice one, it is time to slow down and rectify the situation. Either change your path or fix it. If the red flag lies in the people around you, we can only communicate it to them and hope that they will do the needful.
But if any of these red flags lies within yourself, do you a favor and fix it as soon as you can.
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